I just overheard that question at a coffee shop in Dallas and I was asking the very same thing at the very same time. Let me back up. So, I got up this morning and took our daughter to school. She had to arrive at 7:15 so as soon as I dropped her I hopped over to the coffee shop across the street. I usually don’t go to that particular establishment because I sit down to work and many of the other parents frequent the same place which leads to … small talk. If you have followed me for any length of time you know this is my version of HELL.
I find it mind numbingly boring and awkward. None of the people engaged in it really care about the answers to their predictable and perfunctory questions. And then there is the reason I started this blog to begin with. The ONLY thing worse than small talk is what women talk about. So, not long after I got set up, I took a look around and realized either I was next to the largest gym on the PLANET or Dallas had become the most casual place on Earth. It makes me sad Dallas is now built for comfort instead of for fashion. RIP Fashion. Thanks, Millennials.
I thought the word “Millennials” and I was descended upon. The whole place is empty and three Millennial woman sat down next to me. They spread out like water, literally lounging over dramatically overpriced lattes. They are clad in yoga apparel, yet all sporting a perfectly coiffed messy sport top knot. My own is messy because I have a riot of curly hair and it wants to be “messy,” as my youngest son says.
And so it begins. First Keto, all the results other people are having they will soon enjoy. THEN, “my friend from college literally has 245,000 followers. For real, I happen to know in college she had a major eating disorder so that is why she is so skinny and can post all these bikini pics.” They speak in an annoying clipped tone with the nasally quality of the Valley Girl movement in the Eighties. If you listen to Fox News on XM think Jen Rubio co-founder of Away luggage.
Now we’ve moved into Netflix, I got the run down on EVERY, Single show, which was actually convenient. Now I know what I will never watch in my spare time, which doesn’t exist so I’m good. I save up time to watch two shows, Game of Thrones and Billions. These women have watched at least twenty eight series on Netflix apiece! Who has that kind of time? I was starting to realize why they have so much time. They are never shut up, so there is not a dude ALIVE who could put up with this blathering, let alone produce a child.s
I decided to go to yoga, for real, but I hit traffic and missed it. No matter, in Dallas I can hit a class at Sunstone any time of the day so I drove around looking at real estate instead while I listened to the rest of Joel Osteen on XM. Ironically his message was about not being a garbage truck. Not walking around pickup spiritual garbage, listening to gossip and watching banality on TV and spending your time on mindless pursuits. Eventually I ended up back at the coffee shop, which appeared to be filling up with more athletic apparel clad people who have NEVER seen the inside of a gym and the assorted who have NO intention of going to a gym that day. This is clothing. Now.
For sure, it was full, EXCEPT, those women were still there and the ONLY table available was next to them. I entered their talkosphere and they’d moved onto some pretty intense gossip about their girlfriends. I thought to myself, “are we still talking about this?” Like, is it really possible that ninety minutes later, they have NOTHING better to do with their time than gossip, discuss pointless and fruitless subjects and recount the high-school glory days. Not married. No kids. Menial jobs. Lots of swearing. Slouching, lounging, and talking over one another. Wondering why they haven’t met anyone worthwhile. Here’s a head’s up. Because you are doing nothing worthwhile.
I do hope they aren’t speaking to men the way they are speaking to each. If they are, they will live lonely lives. Their husbands might find them attractive or mildly interesting for a while, but after time, he will move in the direction of people who will talk about things he finds interesting and it’s not going to be any of the above. Expand your mind, your interests and realize men don’t want to talk about snapchat. It’s exhausting.
I look around and all the women in here are talking and all the men have headphones on. Where are my headphones?