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I don’t believe so. I have known the classic gentleman with all the courtly and genteel behavior in public … though he is anything but a gentle man in private. For this “gentleman” it is nothing more than a show, a bid for applause or acknowledgement and not an outward sign of the respect and admiration he feels for the woman/women in his life.

His gallantry is shallow and void of any real emotional depth … evidenced by the lack of gentle manliness in private. Perhaps you’ve known this man … he will pull out your chair in public but allow you to damage your foot trying to pull out a heavy chair at home. He will put on your coat in public and even remove your hair form the collar, but at home, he doesn’t even bother to say good morning when you enter the room.

So, for show is a no-no and the sooner you realize the difference the better.

Now, on the flip side, you have the kind and lovely “gentle man.” He is considerate and kind, compassionate and sensitive to your feelings. He is empathetic and sympathetic and patient. He uses rational words to communicate disappointment, fear and vulnerability not anger, explosiveness, name calling and character assassinations. He knows you and he loves you for who you are. He adores the characteristics in you that YOU consider self-defining.

Fights, while heated are never explosive, things are not said that can not be taken back, forgiven or forgotten. Neither of you are left wondering where you are going to sleep, whether you will be together the next day, if you need to start looking for a new job or home …

Gentle men fight fair. They employ reason. Maturity. Dignity for themselves and their love. They do not allow contempt to reside which leads to defensiveness. They do not speak in tones of disdain, derision, disgust toward the woman they love.

Disagreements do not employ emotional violence and apologies are sincere. They are not band-aids to get you, injured as you are, through until the next altercation that leaves you battered and bruised emotionally and psychologically. A true apology comes with a sincere desire to rectify behavior so it doesn’t repeat itself.

When one is a gentle man, the courtly gestures of a gentleman seem to follow.