Where have I been? Great question. The past few years I’ve taken time off to RE articulate the purpose of this blog. Initially, my literary agent asked me to start a blog to test drive content for a book. The book was called, (and still is) The So Very Clever Girls Guide to Being a Guys Girl (available on Amazon).
How did it begin? All the great writers (too many to name) tout two rules- write what you know and write everyday. So, I sat down and thought about what I knew at that moment. I wasn’t a biological mom yet, I was a professional photographer (bored of it) … at my core I knew one thing- how to be a “guy’s girl.”
What does that mean? The girl that fits in seamlessly with the guys. The one who blends in and is able to converse with men of all ages without them looking at their watch, covertly trying to find an exit or rolling their eyes.
Why would any woman care? Great question. What is the number one complaint of women? Here, I’ll tell you. “He doesn’t listen to me.” Well, there is a reason for that. You aren’t saying anything he wants to hear. I know, I know, he should want to hear anything you say, right? Ideally, but this isn’t Xanadu or a fairy tale. This is real life and we have become a very selfish and narcissistic people.
Let’s flip the pancake for a moment, how would you like him to talk to you about fantasy football and his plans for fixing the deck? Men and women are fundamentally different, just to our basic anatomy we experience life differently. Having no idea what it’s like to have period cramps, is a FACT for men. Do you really want to hear about things you know nothing about? How about if he yammers on about athlete’s foot or jock itch?
Extend that to the barriers put up culturally. Boys play with trucks, girls like chick flicks, men are tough and women are supposed to create and maintain interpersonal relationships. The list goes on and my initial desire was to bridge this societally imposed chasm by gently educating women on “malecentric” topics and lifestyle so they might then become more confident in their communications on the subjects.
If you speak a man’s language, if you say things he wants to hear, he will listen. Does that mean you are to be inauthentic and pretend to like things you don’t? Absolutely not, but my goal was to introduce women to new and exciting experiences so they might deepen their understanding of not only the men in their lives but themselves.
So, what happened? Well, things in my own life got messy. I can now say, as a woman, I’ve done everything I said I’d never do. Have I made mistakes, absolutely. Did I do things the “right way?” Likely not in the eyes of many. Do I have regrets? For the first time in my life I do. Have I apologized and tried to make amends? Yes, though I still owe one person an apology.
How did I end up back here? Well, when you think you have it all together and things fall apart, you have to invest in some intense introspection and however painful that was for me, it had to be done. I had to reevaluate my choices and my circumstances and determine if I was going to let them define me or if I was going to define my circumstances.
So, I’m back. I’m still Clever, perhaps a kinder, gentler version of the original articulation, but still here to help. I won’t be hammering home the lessons for women, if you want them you can get the book. This blog was never an “advice” blog or a relational “how-to.” If there is one thing I’ve learned it is every relationship has it’s own set of rules. I can not judge what goes on in anyone’s relationship except my own and in that judgement I can only judge MY behavior.
I’m not even going to have my editor edit these posts, so get used to the fact I made up an “n” dash, it looks like this “-” and it is not grammatically correct, but I’m a writer, I have a degree in it and I can make things up with the best of them. It is like a comma/half parenthical … it’s hard to say, but what I do know is it doesn’t interrupt a sentence so get OVER it. This is going to drive ALISA nuts, but I have to show my imperfections 😉